Didn't You Hear Me?

Itchy Ear

Well here we are first week into 2011 and I can't believe it!  On Wednesday I had an itchy ear.  Actually, it was itchy on Monday and Tuesday too.  So I got whisked off to the Vets.  

Whisked is probably not accurate, because I didn't give up and just go without a fight. I mean what do you expect?  I'm a male, a guy, you just don't go to the doctors because you've got an itch right?  I mean doctors are for serious stuff, like what happens to everyone else. 

Anyway my ear was itchy.  So I'm having a good scratch, just hitting the right spot and it's starting to feel sooooo goood when out of the corner of my eye I see one of the parents come in carrying the cage.  What! Cage?! That's it I'm out of here.    

To cut a long story short, I'm sure he must have cheated to catch me 'cause we only did two laps of the dining table, three laps of the armchair in the family room, back to the dining room and once behind the blinds, but somehow he caught me and scooped me into the cage.  I must be losing my touch.

Now when you find yourself in a cage, in the car there is generally only three places to be going.  The airport, but unlikely this time as I didn't see any suitcases; the kennels; again unlikely no bags; or the vets!  That's it.  Time to yell as loud as I can.  Meowwwww.  Maybe the police will hear and think a cat is being killed in the car and intervene.  All the way to the vets I yelled, but no one came to help me.

At the Sunbury Animal Hospital my tactics are to shut up when you get there in the hope that they will either not notice me, or think I'm perfectly healthy and leave me alone or treat all those other animals that need to be there instead of me.  This tactic is yet to pay dividends.

So in we went to see Louise and this is where the visit takes a turn for the worst.  She wants to know what's wrong and the parent says he's scratching his ear.  I'm thinking so what?  The parent always scratches his ear, particularly when he's asked questions and no one cares about his ears.  While I'm thinking this and looking around I suddenly hear her say hold him still we'll check his temperature.  Whoa, I know what's coming next. What's temperature got to do with it?  I distinctly heard the parent say ear, not rear!  Suddenly it's clear to me one person needs their ears checked and it's not me!

I must admit though, deaf or not, Louise is clever.  When she takes my temperature she grabs my tail, but tells the parent to hold me still.  That leaves the parent cling to what he calls the sharp end, while I strongly consider what else is in need of a good scratching.

Finally, after what seems an eternity of me grappling with the parent she removes the thermometer and pronounces me perfect.  I could have told her that without a thermometer.  The parent relaxes and I try to get back inside my cage.  Time to go right? You heard her, I'm perfect.

But no, she's not finished with me.  She grabs a device and shoves it in my ear, at the same time telling the parent to keep hanging on to me.  That's it! I've had enough and it's time to growl.  You should have seen the parent's face.  Now he has to hang because as soon as he lets go it will be my turn to grab and hang on to him.  We'll see how he likes it.

After a good look, she says there's nothing there, but instead of letting me be, she grabs some cotton buds and stuffs in my ear.  Clearly this is an exercise in escalating my anger.

Finally they both let me be.  She disappears for some tests and the parent tries to calm me down.  Calm down?  How do you expect me to react?  You've ripped me out of my home, you've shoved things into me in several places and now you think I should be calm?  Are you deluded?  Before I do something we will both regret I storm back into my cage, turn my back on him and ignore him. 

Finally she's back and tells the parent I should have some tablets and we're free to go.  Sensational! Tablets! And yes, the parent has to try and get them into the sharp end twice a day.  Ha!